Time to Live
by mrs mannheim
Summary: Jon Snow and Sansa Stark reclaimed Winterfell. At some point they become aware of their feelings to each other.
1. Jon's Reflections

**Chapter 1: Jon's Reflections.**

It was cold and crispy day. The winter was here as Father always promised, Jon thought bitterly. The morning was hard on him. Words "Your Grace" still were ringing in his ears. Yesterday Jon was proclaimed King in the North.

"Shit". Jon cursed loud while moving towards forest. Ghost was walking lazy behind him. He didn't ask for this; he didn't want to be king. Everything happened so fast. Only couple months ago he was killed by his sworn brothers and released from his oath. Then Sansa showed up in Castle Black. Long fight for Winterfell, Rickon death. And then everybody decided to put a crow on his head. When Jon was a young boy he had a dream to be a Lord of Winterfell, to rule the house, marry a lady and live happily ever after. But he clearly understood the difference between dreams and reality. And now because of strange circumstances Jon become king

"For God's Sakes".

"Fuck".

What to do now?

And there were Sansa. His beautiful sister. She was there yesterday, sitting close to him, listening to all smaller houses promising their loyalties to the House Stark. And saying nothing while everybody were cheering. But her eyes never left him during the feast. Jon didn't know what to do and what to think. He had too many thoughts on his mind.

Yesterday he done the most foolish thing. He for god's sakes kissed her ! Kissed. As man kisses his women. As lord kisses his lady. And for god's sakes she was his sister. His mind was screaming in disgust. But something deep inside in his guts told him that this is ok. And that OK was making him crazy. How that can be OK to kiss your own sister. Fuck. Oh my, and from when he started using that kind language with all inappropriate words?

In the middle of the feast Sansa excused herself to retire and Jon offered to accompany her to her bedchambers. The walk was slow and silent and heavy. They both didn't know what or how to say to each other.

"Goodnight Sansa. Will we talk tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course. Goodnight Jon".

And then he bend for his usual kiss on her brow. But somehow he ended up kissing her cheek. Sansa was holding her breath but didn't move away. And then he was kissing her on lips. Sansa's eyes meanwhile were very widely open but she didn't move from the spot and after couple long seconds answered to his kiss by opening her mouse. That was intoxicating. Jon's hands wrapped around Sansa and she leaned into him. Suddenly they both stopped feeling that this was something unexplainable. Holding her breath Sansa fast closed her bedroom doors. Jon heavy looked around and returned to the feast.

And now Jon was running as fast as he could. The leathers and heavy winter coat added more to physical exercise. Looking around he saw a gap in the forest and headed to that direction. If his memory was correct soon he will reach small lake and cave near it. Definitely he can spend some time there and being alone to think. He strolled to that direction. For fucking sake what was he thinking yesterday. To be more precise, why the fuck he wasn't thinking. After the resurrection he returned different, more dark, less honourable, less expecting anything from life and with wider boundaries between good and bad. When he saw Sansa in Castle Black it was like a breath of life. She was his family. Doesn't matter what was their relationships in childhood and teenage years, she and he were the part of the same family. And family bonds are strong. Those months after their reunion were very hard as they had big task ahead of them. But also those months were the easiest in his life, he and Sansa were discovering each other as family members. They fight, they talked, they spent their evenings together drinking wine and talking about childhood. And that was something unbelievable. Jon knew he would have such relationships with Arya but was really surprised that he found satisfaction in similar relationships with Sansa. And there were something more. Shit. She was beautiful. And he saw that. She was strong and he respected that. She was smart and manipulative and he accepted that. Each passing day he was thinking more and more about her. During those months somehow, seven hells, his thoughts become lustful. He saw her breasts, thin frame, round hips, long neck and those long red hair. He would never look at Arya like that. But Sansa was different story. And yesterday evening all those thoughts become dominant and he kissed her.

Jon soon reached cave and lake. Dropped himself on the nearest tree trunk and started sob. Well, mens don't cry, how they say. And Jon being King of North, White Wolf, was crying as little baby. He knew he must return to Winterfell and meet her. Talk to her. Somehow explain yesterday's behaviour. And hope for the best. Just Jon wasn't sure what is the best outcome.

After sometime when the sun was high in the sky he started walking back to Winterfell. Soon heard Tormund's voice over shouting everyone else "I see him, he is fine !". Yep, he is the fucking king and can not do whatever he wants. But isn't that kings can whatever they want ? Well, he was coming back with his head bowed low and feeling as little boy who didn't listen to his lord father. Sansa was watching through the walls as her half-brother was returning back and feeling strangely elevated.

They met when he entered through the gates. She was waiting for him in court yard.

"Sister". Jon said trying to erase inappropriate thoughts.

"Brother". Sansa expected so much, but he with only one word draw the line and explained that what happened yesterday must be forgotten.


	2. We need to talk

Next couple days were a blur both to Sansa and Jon. Sansa was working to restore the Winterfell. The first task was to evaluate the situation and later prepare the plan what to do next. Everything needed repairing, changing or at the best case – cleaning. Meanwhile Jon was occupied with his new duties as ruler. Looking back at Night Watch, his tasks as Lord Commander were quite simple – made sure everybody had a roof above the head, had food and are prepared to fight the enemy when necessary. But the work in Winterfell and politics made his head spinning and he felt totally lost. He was so tired after couple of days. Sitting and talking with Lords, creating new allegiance's, planning strategies for impending war with the Others. War after war. Sadness after sadness.

Late evening (or middle of the night?) he was slowly climbing the stairs to his bedchambers. Look liked that everybody was asleep now. There were no chatting, talking, running, repairing or other sounds so usual to day time. Even the Ghost was napping near the fireplace in main hall. When Jon reached his bedchambers, he didn't look around and simple felt on his bed with all his clothes on. Suddenly he heard her voice.

\- Jon, we need to talk. – Sansa was sitting near the heart with her furs around. – I was waiting here until you finish your last meeting.

Jon's heart was racing. He clearly heard her voice, understood what she was saying. But still her presence made his blood boil, she looked so beautiful and relaxed, her cheeks obtained sweet pink colour due hot fire. Breathtaking.

\- Jon, are you listening to me?, - Sansa enquired

\- Yes. I am listening. I am just so tired. All this kingly work…,- Jon mumbled under his nose while forcing himself to sit on the bed and look at her.

\- Kingly ? – Sansa asked smirking at him - This is called ruling and this is what Kings do. – her smile was wider now and Jon couldn't recall any memory of her smiling like that before. Of course, she was teasing him.

\- Sansa, sweetheart,…

\- Don't call me like that, Jon ! – she sounded a little scared if he observed her correct. Or maybe he really was too tired.

\- Sorry, I just wanted to say, this is you should be doing ruling. Not me. – Jon said feeling quite uncomfortable.

\- Doing ruling…. You very well know, that women will not sit on the throne in the North. They will never accept women.

\- You are Stark. – Jon breathed quickly.

\- You are Stark too. – Sansa replied fast.

\- Sansa, you know what I mean. I feel terrible. I took what is yours by birthright. I never ever wanted to be king. Strange, sometimes I found myself in situations and places, where I do not want to be. – Jon said sadly and closed his eyes.

\- Kissing me was one of those situations? – he didn't imagine, this time Sansa really sounded scared.

In split of moment Jon was kneeling before her. He didn't know where to put his hands, so he laid them on the chairs arms.

\- What ?, - he sounded and looked weary and tired. And so scared. – I kissed you, because I want you. I kissed you because I cannot stop thinking of you. But for God's Sakes, Sansa, I am your brother. And brothers do not kiss their sisters like that, and they do not think such things about their sisters as well. I am monster and I cannot look at you because when I am looking at you, I want you in the forbidden way.

She hardly could hear him, her heart was beating so loudly. Does he just said he wanted her and wanted to kiss her?

\- Stop! Stop it right now ! – her hands touched his face and she made him to bend closer to her. - Listen to me. If I didn't want to kiss you, all the castle would have known what was you doing and definitely everybody would have heard me screaming. I wanted you to kiss me! And I wanted to kiss you too! Jon, I know this is strange and … yes, I am your half-sister. But that means, the other part of me is not your sister. Maybe that kind of thinking is perverse, but I cannot do anything with that. You make me feel safe! Do you understand what I am saying? I never was your sister in that sisterly sense, I never was your friend. We always were strangers. And sometimes I think that the first time I really met you was in Castle Black. After that I saw you as a different person. My Mother was so wrong about you! I was a child and she was influencing my thoughts and behaviour. But after everything I suffered and experienced in King's Landing and Vale, I am fully capable, at least I hope, to make my own decisions. And I see you now, I see how good man you are. You are my walls, you are my home, you are the Winterfell to me! I love you. I love you in all my ability to love. I will never ever leave you and will never ever betray you. Father always said, lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. And that was the longest speech I have ever given to anybody! – Sansa said. She was looking at him. The first time in her life she opened her soul and heart to anybody. She was so scared.

\- What ? – he couldn't believe his ears.

\- Oh my goodness Jon, this is all you can say? – she said smiling while registering his shock.

He didn't say anything for some time, then kissed her forehead and spoke.

\- I am your family. I always will be with you. I will protect you and take care of you. I love you. – Jon said, while taking her hands into his, - I love you more than a sister.

Sansa bend her head and kissed him. Bravely. For her was so strange to feel comfortable with Jon. She didn't afraid to touch him; she never flinched when he touched her. So, it was easy for her to initiate the kiss after telling him about her feelings. And he was saying he loves her. Oh Seven, is this really happening ? The kiss was slow. Jon bend a little further and now he wrapped his hands around her slim waist still kneeling in front of her. Sansa's hands went straight to his nape. She has never been kissed like that, with such love and respect, sweet and nice. He didn't demand anything, wasn't rude. Jon simple hold her and was so gentle with her.

Slowly pulling back Sansa whispered.

\- Jon, I come here to talk with you.

\- Hm…. ? – now he started kissing her neck and didn't plan to stop.

\- Jon, this morning Littlefinger visited me. ,- this time for sure she sounded scared.


	3. Sansa's reflections

Chapter 3: Sansa's Reflections.

It was crazy ! That can't be true. Sansa thought she was going out of her mind. Slowly. Everything started when she arrived at Castle Black. Running from Ramsay was like avoiding something worse than death sentence itself. She was tired and scared. But that moment when they saw each other it look liked the time has stopped. And then they hold each other in the tight embrace. And she was home. Later Sansa and her companions, Brienne and Podrick, got food and possibility to bath. After some time she found herself sitting in Jon's chambers. Drinking ale and talking. While remembering good times in Winterfell and agreeing that leaving home was the biggest mistake, something started nagging in her head. After six years she finally saw her half-brother. Not a young boy who left for Night Watch but a man grown. He was different. Jon's appearance changed in time: he was lean, even couple layers of clothes could not hide his muscles, hair put in small bun, visible scar of his left eye. A man of war. But not his manly appearance made her shiver and realize he is totally different person but the look in his eyes. Maybe she wasn't his friend and true sister while they were children. But she knew Jon, that little sullen and broody boy, gentle and observant, shy and sometimes angry. But never defeated, never without hope. And now in front of her was a truly dead man. Dead in his soul. She survived such things which nobody should endure. But not apathy, but anger boiled in her blood. She wanted to fight. She wanted to go home and reclaim what belonged to her (and Jon's!) family. But the man in front of her fought and lost. And his only desire was to go south to get warm. He was tired. Despite all that Sansa felt it is the first time she really sees him for what he is. A decent man.

The decision to retake Winterfell back to Starks was obvious but not easy one. The letter received from Ramsay helped to persuade Jon. It took some convincing from Sansa's side, finally she and Jon rallied for northern houses to support them in this fight. They had Stark name and no resources. Brienne, Podrick, Ser Davos and Tormund (with wildlings) were the only help in the beginning. They needed everything: money, men, supplies and etc. And there were people who remembered and wanted to help. It was months of hard work. The most memorable also most strange and awkward situation they encountered in Bear Isle. Little head of the House Mormont - Lady Lyanna Mormont - thanks Gods for Ser Davos - was a tiny scary bear! Somehow Ser Davos was able to find a way to talk with this child.

In the months of preparations Jon and Sansa was working together. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was hard. They talked, planned and review everything together. She was present in every meeting. And if some Lords had any doubts about women presenting in such matter, Jon even didn't let those people speak - she was Stark and she was his sister, she had every right to be here.

That was crazy and couldn't be true - she was falling in love with Jon Snow, her half - brother. One morning this revelation come to her while having breakfast in main camp's tent. Everybody was there - northern lords discussing strategies for coming battle, Ser Davos talking with young lady Lyanna, wildlings in the back shouting and laughing if there is only one day left to live and you want to get as much as possible from the time left, Tormund ravishing fried chicken and smirking and making eyes to Brienne (yep, that started in Castle Black) while her stoic bodyguard was blushing. Sansa was observing the scene in front of her and thinking that if Tormund would make one more step forward, fierce yet so innocent Brienne would definitely succumb to his charms. Need to mention that after some time during the trip from the Wall Brienne started appreciate Tormund. Well, it takes time to get used to such personality as Tormund Giantsbane. That precise moment she felt Jon looking at her from the opposite side of the table. His dark grey eyes on her. It look liked he was able to see her soul. But the moment passed and now he was talking again with Ser Davos and Lyanna about swords and practicing fight skills. He was gentle and patient with everybody. But rough when necessary. He took in mind everybodies needs would be that fighting men, women, or children. And he always find a time to be with her, to talk about nothing and share an ale. And little by little Sansa started noticing more. He was handsome. And she saw that. He was strong and she respected that. He was clever but sometimes stupidly honorably naive and she accepted that. Each passing day she was thinking more and more about him. During those months somehow, seven hells, her thoughts become lustful. She was in love with him. She loved him differently than she supposed to.

And that is the main reason why the Knights of Vale arrived to the battle if she is honest with herself. She couldn't let him to die. Now they were in Winterfell at last. Ramsey defeated. Jon is alive. And she is in Littlefinger's debt.

The first night after defeating Boltons and retaking Winterfell - retaking home - she let herself to cry as much as she could endure. Crying it is showing you are weak, isn't ? And she wanted to be strong. Sansa was really afraid if she will start cry in front of another person, she won't be able to gather herself again. But when you are alone in your childhood room, you can let all your emotions, despite how deep they are buried, to go out. It becomes easier.

His kiss that night surprised her. Sansa wasn't blind and saw how Jon steels looks at her. Pure desire in his eyes was burning. She also saw his struggle not to look at her like that. In the last conversations he even started calling her sister more often than usual. So when Sansa decided to retire from the feast Jon offered to accompany her to bedchambers she gladly agree. The walk was slow. And silent. She wanted to say something. To say that she is proud of him and very happy that Northern Lords decided to call him King in the North. Jon was suitable man for this position. But she could not formulate a sentence. All the time she felt his hand on the end of her back. The touch burned and a little distracted. Then he bent to kiss her goodnight, but somehow ended up kissing her as a man kisses his lady. That was so sweet and intoxicating. She never ever experienced such gentleness and passion at the same time. Well she never experienced a gentleness in the kiss. His hands wrapped around her thin waist and she leant into his strong frame. This was good. When Sansa was a young girl she dreamed about knight in shining armour, the one who saves her, later kisses her. Unexpectedly the knight she was dreaming about is her half-brother, bastard, King in The North. All those thoughts flied in her mind. This can't be happening. This is not good. Fast she broke the kiss and closed her bedchambers doors. She didn't sleep at all during the night, replaying the events of last days and especially the one which took place near her rooms doors.

Usually Sansa always knew what she wants. Lately she learned what she must do. But she didn't have any idea what to do with Jon. She clearly understood her feelings towards him. But that doesn't change fact that Jon is her half-brother. She wanted talk with him in the morning. But his only word "Sister" made her shiver. Maybe she was wrong - maybe he is only a lustful man. Like the rest of them.


End file.
